We've all been subjected to teasing of some sort in our lives--whether it's because we have red hair, blue eyes, big feet, braces, or glasses. Parents are always telling their kids what to do if they're teased. Yet, is there a point where those tips fail to work? A point where teasing isn't just a nuisance, but something all-consuming?
Do parents even say that much to their kids about not teasing others anymore?

I was in junior high school with a girl by the name of Tempest Smith when I was about twelve years old. She was shy, blonde, tall, and Wiccan. A lot of kids didn't take to her paganistic practices, and often jeered at her with Christian hymns. I remember defending her on a few occassions, but it didn't seem to make much difference. Six months after my seventh grade year began, Tempest hung herself. Her diary expressed a life filled with pain from constant teasing, and everyone felt remorse. It's awful to this day to look back and think, "did it really take someone's suicide for us to see what we were doing wrong?"
Teasing continues in the High School. We're told that high school shooters--most recently, Jeff Weisse in Wisconsin, a gothic outsider--tend to be the victims of teasing.
I know that in the High School, a sophomore is constantly ridiculed. I thought that by the time I was fourteen and walking into the High School that the immaturity would take a bit of a backseat. It's awful for me to see this poor boy getting made fun of so much and being unable to stop others from doing it to him.
Parents, do you keep a good tab on your kids?
Teens, what are your thoughts about teasing?

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TheGirlNextDoor (04-15-05), thurgoodm (04-22-05)

There are many reasons teenagers tease other teenagers. How do I know the specific reasons? Because I used to tease Temptest and many other kids in middle school. In seventh grade my friends and I were the group that walked around the school like everyone was scared of us. We used to wait afterschool for kids we didnt like and threaten to beat them up. We used to gang up on kids in class and send them fake love letters from the cutest boy in class. We would make fun of the girls in gym who didnt wear the $40 shorts we had on. We were a mean group of girls. We were immature and arrogant. We did not care about anybody elses feelings except for one anothers. Why did we do this? Because our boyfriends were the bad boys of the school and we had to fit in with their criteria, we liked the attention of everyone being afraid of us, we loved looking like we were the only people that mattered, and we loved the fact that we fit in and everyone else wanted to fit in with us. We loved the fact that people wanted to get in with our crowd and wanted to be one of us. Now looking back it was the stupidest thing I have ever done. All of the girls that were in my group are still my friends but we have all grown up now. We have all realized what we did and how we played a part in Tempest hanging herself and how many of our fellow classmates went home and wrote about us in their journals. When Tempest hung herself, it was the worst feeling and pain I have ever experienced. I know that the pain I experienced with all the feelings of guilt and sorrow could never match to the pain I made her feel when I called her names in the hallway or got the scissors so that my friend could make her a cross to hang on her locker. Tempest killing herself made me step back and realize what I had done to one innoncent girl who never did anything wrong. Kids tease to fit in, to feel like they are the only people that matter, and so that all the attention is on them. One thing that these kids dont realize is how much teasing makes you think and how guilty and idiotic it makes you feel.

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Class of 2006. Yah baby.

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TheGirlNextDoor (04-15-05)

I guess I was always a little more sympathetic to kids who were teased because I had been in fifth and sixth grade. I always thought that it was odd when I got to junior high that no one was criticizing me, but they all seemed to be criticizing her. But it seems like so many lessons didn't stick--I still see kids teasing each other. What does it take to learn--especially when we're all this old?

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well I know that you asked for the teen input on this, and well I havent been a teen in a long time, but I am a mom to a teen...I just wanted to say that some parents still care about how their child acts. Some of us do not tolerate our child being a bully, teasing, and acting like brats...Of course I know we can not be there 24/7 to be sure our children tow the line, but you better believe if it was ever brought to my attention that my child was behaving that way there would be concequences...I would like to think that I raised my child to look at all situtations differently then the rest....I have tried to instill in him not to be a "follower"...I know that there are no gaurentees that he will always follow this, but I have tried to lay a strong foundation for him, and to teach him right from wrong and good morals..But sadly too many parents are too willing to look the other way when their child acts up...or they are too busy making up excuses for why little Johnny or little Sally really is not to blame for what happened...Parents need to take more accountability for their kids, and for the way they raise their kids...JMO for what its worth...

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Thank-you, Squishie.

It's the fact that, at our age, kids should have developed some kind of conscience by now. I can't stand being cruel--to anybody, no matter how much I feel that they "deserve it." Maybe when I was younger and more immature, I would have said things if I felt they "deserved it."
I'm still trying to rebuild my own self-esteem from teasing that happened when I was eleven and twelve. I hardly see any of those kids now, and I'm still angry at them--none of them apologized. Of course it's not the best thing in the world to hold a grudge, but I do wonder if they remember and feel guilty about some of the things they not only did to me, but said to my family and me.

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I saw John Stewart this past Friday at the Detroit Opera House.

He commented on school bullying. He feels that many children who are teased get so depressed and lash out because they really feel that that is how their entire life is going to be. They fail to realize that the roles often reverse once you graduate.

How many friends do you think Bill Gates had in high school?

He recommended taking 9th and 10th graders on field trips. More specifically, field trips to 20 and 30 year high school renunions.

"You see that fat bald guy over there? Yeah...the one crying by himself in the corner? He was the captain of the football team."

Hahahaha...I thought it was a good idea.

As for teasing in general...unfortunately it's something that will probably never go away. Kids are kids...and they're going to act stupid and do things that aren't right.

You want to talk about teasing and hazing? When I was a freshman in California, freshman weren't even considered students. They were called "scrubs".

The high school was set up much like a college university with free-standing buildings scattered throughout the landscape. We walked outdoors from class to class.

Our school mascot, an Indian Chieftan head sat right smack dab in the center of the school in area called the quad. It was right next to the snack bar, the cafeteria, the school store, and the outdoor dining area. Any freshman caught walking anywhere near it during lunch hours were made to get on their hands and knees and scrub the face of the Chieftan head with a toothbrush.

The entire upperclass would gather around to watch the event. They would chant "scrub scrub scrub!" and hurl insults at the poor little frosh.

Every year when school started, it was a celebrated ritual where a large group of seniors would seek out smaller groups of freshman and drag them back to the quad to make them live up to their name of "scrub".

What did the teachers do about this? Not a thing. Not until things started getting violent when some freshman refused to scrub...and a mob of seniors started throwing things at them. Someone ended up with a broken rib.

Fortunately for me, my best friends older sister was dating the captain of the baseball team...so my best friend and I were exempt from scrubbing. Because I knew I was exempt, I used to walk through the quad regularly and made darn sure all of the seniors saw me. lol

I remember in 8th grade, I was largely guilty of some degree of teasing. My friends and I used to seek out unnattractive girls and flirt with them. This was right around the time "Waynes World" was popular. We used to spend out entire lunch break flirting with these girls. Just before the bell rang, we would ask them if they would be our girlfriends. When they said yes, we would act all happy...

Then we would say "NOT!"

Another popular prank was to ask the girls if they would "Go around" with you. That meant you were boyfriend and girlfriend. After the girl said yes, we would take them by the hand and walk them around the campus. Then we would take them back to where we picked them up and say "Thanks!" and leave them standing there.

I'll never forget this poor girl named Elizabeth. She rode my bus. I asked this girl out three times...each time she said yes, and each time I said "NOT!" Three times she fell for it.

She didn't fall for it the fourth time I tried.

I fear someday I may end up on the Jenny Jones show for one of those "From Geek to Sheik" episodes. You know what I'm talking about...the ones where the super-hot chics come on the show to confront the little boys who made fun of them in elementary school.

Do I feel guilty about the things I did? Sure I do. But I was also what...12 or 13 years old? I probably should have known better...but I also knew that it made people laugh.

I think, realistically, most kids tease other kids because they themselves are looking to be accepted by their peers. If they can make people laugh, even at the expense of another person, they feel like they have been accepted.

I think that's the most important thing for kids who are being teased to realize. They are only picking on you because of their own insecurities. And when you get through school (and you WILL)...you will be a stronger person.

School is not forever. Most kids don't like to believe this...but once high school is over...your world changes. It's not about popularity contests and fashion shows. It's about working and being a productive member of society. Even some of the biggest nerds turn out to be some of the most envious individuals in the real world. They are the ones driving fancy cars and living in nice houses...dating hot people. Why? Because they focused on what was important in life and didn't get hung up trying to be the most popular kid in school.

An employer doesn't care who you were in high school. They care whether or not you can do your job. No amount of designer clothing can help you do that.

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I can say that I didn't fit in high school, although the crowd I hung around kept me safe anyway. However, I was teased a lot at an earlier age and thus in high school didn't really have it in me to do it to others. My grandfather was my inspiration, and his advice always gave me the confidence that I could be something, and to wait out the ridicule and survive.

I will tell you that teasing had a "profound" effect on my childhood. We were poor, so I never had to the cool clothes, haircuts, etc. . . and was teased very often. However, this pis*** me off more than anything and as soon as my opportunity came, and when I could live somewhat independently of my parents screwed up priorities, I started working (at 14) so that I could completely pay for everything myself, including food, which we never had as children (figuratively speaking, of course), bought a nice car, and made absolutely sure that I dated only the prettiest girls in high school. Afterwards, I served my country and got my degree. So I proved all wrong, including my own family.

Funny story though, a few years in the corps I came home on leave and went bar hopping with a friend in our hometown. Ran into one of the high school football stars. Believe it or not, 3 years after we graduated he was still wearing his football varsity jacket. I almost choked on my beer. Found out he married one of the cheerleaders, had a few kids, and never went to college.

Kids that feel there is no way out are those that have no support, period. They are alone. I fortunately had someone that helped put things in perspective and helped me realize that high school was really nothing. Post high school is the only thing that counts.

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put a few more in the ground

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It's funny to run into people you went to high school with. In high school, I tried to be cool with everyone. I didn't just stick to my particular clique, so to speak.

Just last night, I ran into one of my old buddies from high school. He doesn't seem to be as "cool" as he once was. He really looks beat up...and he reeked of alcohol.

Conversely, I was out one night a few months ago with some friends when a really beautiful woman caught my eye. As I looked closer, I recognized her. She was a band chic in high school. One that I probably never would have considered dating.

Fortunately, I wasn't mean to very many people in high school (only the ones who deserved it )...so I was able to say hello to her without having her throw a drink in my face.

It's funny how these things work out.

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Lol, do you always run into old classmates under circumstances involving liquor and bars, Veritas? :P

I'll admit that I'm not free of judging others--I do hold grudges. There's a girl in band who has gotten under my skin for YEARS because of some things that she said to me and never apologized for. To my closest friends, I call her stupid...talking to her is like talking to a door. I sometimes have to question if there is a bird brain inside of that pretty head of her's. Still, I would NEVER say this to her face. Not that it makes it right (because it's not), but most of my secret-targets (as in, people I make fun of to a few close friends) are people who have at least wronged me in the past. I try to be a fair person, but some people are just impossible to get along with. One of the boys who called me "fat" at lunch in February...I laugh now. This kid has the biggest bleached-blond mullet I've ever seen, and his face is extremely long and narrow. He has some "buck teeth", and it's hard to tell if there's a person underneath all of that acne. It's not even that I'm making fun of him or anything, but the fact that an EQUALLY UNATTRACTIVE person felt that they were good-looking enough to make fun of someone else's appearance...whew, it's mind-boggling.

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No, not always. That old buddy that I ran into (the one who reeked of alcohol) was at the Lincoln Park Meijer.

Okay...I guess it did involve alcohol. But not on my end.

Dang...now that you mention it...I think most of my "high school reunions" occur in night clubs and lounges. I'm racking my brain to think of a recent time where I ran into anyone anywhere else.

I work in Troy and most of my current friends are from Allen Park. You don't find too many LP'ers from my class hopping around Troy or Allen Park that often. So I guess the only real chance I have of running into anyone is at whatever weekend hotspot.

I saw someone (but didn't make contact with them) at a gas station about a month ago. Does that count?

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